Curses and Inconviences to wish upon your enemies

May your car make concerning noises.

May your check engine light always flicker.

May you burn in Hel (Hel, Norse realm of not quite par warriors, where there is no wifi or ac, and you will be surrounded by jocks and cheap room temperature beer for the rest of eternity.) with the rest of the cowards.

May your hard drives die before you back them up evermore.

May all your calls drop at inopportune moments, and updates force your computer to reboot before you can save your work.

May all your speakers develop micro-tears, and cables tangle.

May your computer fan make concerning noises.

May your screens flicker and develop dead pixels, your cds skip constantly, and charge ports become loose.

May your download speed be throttled, and uploads get stuck.

May your music and jpgs develop data artifacts, and your web pages halfway load.

May your drivers corrupt, and your installations revert after 99%

May Comcast be your only ISP option.

May your family take your technical support and throw it to a group of hacks.

May all swipe your Tinder profile right.

May your hair always have one unmanageable section.

May your photos always look fat.

May your showers have insufficient water pressure.

May you be reminded of your most embarrassing moments in the middle of enjoying your day.

May you come to doubt your reality.

May your partner/significant other make concerning noises.

May the IRS make an oversight on your taxes.

May you realize that there are entry level positions that make more money than you.

May your job be done cheaper and more efficiently by a machine.

May your boss find your facebook account.

May your preteen relatives find your porn, and ask questions.

May all your passwords be forgotten.

May your bookshelves be slightly askew, and filled with unread books.

May the DMV get the gender wrong on your license.

May autocorrect always be awkwardly wrong.

May your family always harass you for (more) grandkids

May you run out of toilet paper when you have guests.

May you forget to clean your house before you have people over.

May your clocks be slightly off.May your game saves corrupt before the final boss.

May all your coupons expire.May all lettuce wilt in the fridge.

May your NPC followers waste the best items.

May you forget about an april fools prank, and be pranked months later when your guard's down.

May all your banana's turn brown, and the stems peel before you're ready to eat them.

May your headphones come out of your computer when you watch porn in public while the actors make concerning noises.

May your coffee always brew too light or too strong.

May you always set the heat too high when cooking.

May the heel of your shoes always warp.

May your interests only receive halfhearted appreciation.

May your neighbors upstairs make loud, concerning noises.

May your parents (Still) badger you to get a "real" job.

May your classes be filled with the worse kind of sports scholars

May your only funny jokes be puns.

May your body make concerning noises that you hope only you can hear.

May your family want to play Cards Against Humanity without realizing what it is.

May all your Halloweens be Church Harvest Festivals.

May you work in retail.

May your favorite tv series be cancelled.

May your stories be deadfics.

May your phone vibrate/ring, seemingly without reason.

May awkward packages with vibrant labels be accedentally delivered to your residence.

May awkward packages with vibrant labels be accedentally delivered to your workplace.

May others not understand your accent.

May your fame be only postmortem.

May your pockets be filled and bulky.

May your awkward silences be often.

May you notice flaws in your finished projects that no one else can see.

May you notice new flaws in your friends.

May loud ads play concerning noises when you have too many tabs open, and you not be able to find them.

May your entire family forward you this list (through a long chain of "RE:FW:FW:CC:RE:RE:RE SOMETHING FUNNY!!")